Some relationships are meant to break up.

Some relationships are meant to break up. We all assume that when two people come together and say to one another, ‘I want to share this journey with you’, they will be together for life. But my personal observation of this, is not so.

I use a simple illustration of two of my former students who were known at the school as best friends. For over two years they are always seen together, and they appear to share a common bond. Lecturers and students took it for granted that when you saw one, you will inevitable see the other. One would speak her mind at any given moment, in a candid manner that illustrates her strong sense confidence and agency. The other appears more at ease ‘being’ rather than ‘saying’. Yet the other, as I observe, did not overtly take the effort to discover anything beyond the immediate. But last year everyone noticed that these two very close friends were not very close any more. Long story short, they went their separate ways. Many of us tried to explain the break up in our own ways. Some said the one took something from the other, some said the one was very clingy and did not allow the other to do things on her own.

Now almost a year later as I see them both separately in my office, I see something positive about both of them. The one who was outspoken has continued her journey and will undoubtedly develop into a strong and formidable individual in her own right. And the other, who was ‘seen but not always heard from’ has since begun to discover newer interests and has since developed a wonderful ability to express her creativity in her chosen art. She speaks her mind not in the conventional manner of speech but through visual imageries. I am pleased to see that like her friend she too will leave the university having discovered her sense of voice and is now ready to develop her identity in a more positive manner, not as attached to another but as a person in her own right.

Some relationships are meant to break up, for the good of all. These two ladies will now have a chance to give more of themselves to themselves and to the world at large without anyone feeling the discomfort of being.

'We are who we choose to be.'

I did something at work yesterday which I felt in my conscience was right. I wrote an email in respond to something that happened and sent it out to the people who needed to hear it. Of course I was called in by the boss a few hours later. Of course I felt down because of it. But I could not articulate what I was upset about. Was it because the people I sent it to did not appreciate what I was trying to say (well then this wouldn’t be the first time!). or was it because I knew what I did was not wrong and I should not get a ‘slap on the wrist’ for it.

I then spent the evening feeling lost in myself, like I’ve lost the ability to make the right decisions based on the things I feel is right. At 38 going on 39 the last thing anyone wants to feel is uncertain about her/his gut feeling. And here I was feeling like I did wrong just because the people in ‘power’ didn’t appreciate my actions.

Then today, like everything in my life thus far, I stumble upon a short clip on youtube that reaffirms my belief in my own actions. It is an interview Tavis Smiley had with Will Smith (one of my favourite person alive), in which Will says, “We are who we choose to be”.

I choose to be that person who sends out that email. I choose to accept that what I did was right and for the better of others. I choose to be a person who solves issues I am faced with and not accept problems as a given and accommodate it in my life. To my boss who wanted me to accommodate the particular problem we were faced with and take it as a ‘privilege’ and not a ‘chore’, I say this: I choose otherwise.