Redefinition: Of the past and present

What does the past really hold for any of us? Why is it in human nature to reminisce? My generation seems adamant in recollecting the past, especially the college years. With the advent of facebook this ‘need’ is greatly enhanced. The pictures are paraded for all to see, and in so doing it kind of help reaffirm the image we hold in our mind that – yes! I was there and I did do that and I did have a whale of a time! But personally, I can’t appreciate it as much.

I am not a keen advocate of recollecting the past, not because I don’t think the events were particularly significant. In fact the events were real. I was in Grand Canyon summer of 93, I did go back packing in the summer of 89, I did have my heart soar like that eagle flying high when so and so read me the poem he wrote for me in the summer of... never mind that. But the honest truth is, I have a kind of out of body experience when I recollect those events. It’s me and yet it’s not. The person who experienced those events was me of that time, and the person I am today with all that ‘water under the bridge’ is different. And I need to be mindful of it.
On a different yet connected note, my 5 year old is undergoing something similar. She is experiencing a need to redefine herself, at 5! She has decided that she would like to be known as Sofe or Sofea, her first name, and not Ra’isah, and second name. For the last five year she has been addressed as Ra’isah by the family, friends and teachers. And now, she informs us that she wants us to call her Sofe or Sofea. Initially, I don’t think I took her seriously enough. But then I realise that like many of us who sometimes feel the need to redefine our sense of self either through hair style or colour, through clothes and car, my daughter too needed to redefine who she is to the world. And why not? Isn’t that part of the evolution of being human? To constantly revaluate your sense of being and modify and amend where necessary? But the problem is, the world at large, and by that I mean other fellow humans, would rather we stay the way we have been. I guess it helps create a sense of constancy in life. But with constancy, there is also a mediocrity that may sit in. As if to say, this was me and this is all I am and this is all I can and will be.

What I am learning from Sofea is this: Don’t assume you know who the person is even if you’ve been mates for over 20 years or you’ve been college buddies back in the 90s or what have you. As long as we breathe and think and are aware of our sense of being, we will continue to evolve and redefine our sense of who we are. And there is nothing others can do about it but to learn to adapt and accept our changes.

True meaning of acceptance: Part 1

A student of mine made this astute observation based on a statement by John Keats "The acceptance of grief and pain is necessary to the creation of a unique individual". As she says, “I wholeheartedly agree with these lines because the more we suffer the more greater benefits we reap later on.”

Does that mean we need to seek suffering in order for our life to be successful?

I think the key word that Keats and likeminded others highlight is "acceptance". Many times we, lesser mortals, fail to accept the life we have and wish for something more or something else. Eckhart Tolle in his seminal work A New Earth has numerous quotable quotes that focus on that one issue of acceptance. For instance, “When you fully accept that you don’t know, you actually enter a state of peace and clarity that is closer to who you truly are than thought could ever be.” (90) And another, “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment.” (41)

In a nutshell, Tolle argues for acceptance, as he says, and I paraphrase, freedom from unhappiness equals acceptance. So back to the Keats’ statement – it is only when we accept the “grief and pain” we are exposed to in life can we begin to reach our true potential.

Inspirational living: the gift that keeps giving

I caught this video on youtube of Michael Jordan’s greatest moments on the basketball court. And the thing that struck me most is this: some people are meant to live their life to inspire others to better themselves - Jordan is that type of being. Yes he is good, and yes he worked very hard and sacrificed a great deal of time and energy to achieve his success and yes he deserves every bit of the accolade and platitude showered upon him. All the same, I think he has done more than that with his life.

I feel that in perfecting his craft as he has done, he has gone on to inspire others to better themselves. He has gone on the make others look at the way they do things and perhaps ask ‘how can I perfect this?’ Anyone who watches Jordan on the basketball court doing his little thing cannot but be inspired to want to better themselves somehow. And watching it one is also driven to acclaim, as I am, – ‘I too want to live a successful life that inspires others towards success’. It’s yet another example of “the gift that keeps giving”. Perhaps this is an example of the "Collective self good" that Rinaldo Walcott spoke about. Walcott defines ‘collective self good’ as being responsible for the betterment of others as one is responsible for the betterment of oneself. i love that concept as it champions a sense of relational existence that best represents a communal agency.

My parting hope for this wonderful Friday morning is we all live our lives as successful beings who then inspire others towards living successful lives. Salam.

Check out the two youtube videos that I spoke of in this post
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoEjTMj0Yug&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQ3B8p58qj4

Of service and humanity: A message to all doctors

Being a doctor requires a certain degree of social and communicative skill, after all, as a specialist friend says, you are not a doctor without your patients. But truth be told many of our doctors assume a 'god-sent' status and forget how to relate to their patients as fellow human in need of health care. Many of us are able to share stories about certain doctors who have forgotten the beauty of service and the reason they are doctors that they treat their patients with little or no humanity, like to one my mother recently met when she had her knee looked at by a specialist who has lost the love for the profession that he would dismiss a patient’s concern by not addressing it. But then again, thankfully, there are those, like my daughter's pediatrician, who despite seeing over 20 patients in one session, can still speak with care and courtesy to the 23rd patient who comes into her office. I truly wish whoever considers this crucial profession takes into consideration the demands of service in its true sense. Otherwise go make money in some other profession.

Written in response to Che Det's blog entry on DOCTORS

Life and living: Part 1

Having a sense of faith, in this day and age, is not an asset, but at times appears to be a liability. We live in an age that sees the strong tension played out between having an unquestionable sense of faith in the unseen and needing a strong rational scientific explanation to anything and everything. we also live in an era that resists an acceptance of the another life after this and urges the best living of the here and now as it is the only life we've got. But once in awhile we need to be reminded that albeit today is important as it gives an opportunity to live out another day the best we can, we also, i feel, need to remember that today's actions feeds into tomorrow's possibilities and that tomorrow can be lived in this life or another, upon death.

Watching the African American Muslim actor-comedian Omar Regan’s interview on youtube recently i am reminded of the importance of taking the demands of this life in one's own faith-filled stride. I love the way Omar Regan appears to take the demands of living as a Muslim in Hollywood in his own Muslim-stride. He does not become someone else but as he says tries to live life with good manners and good character, which are the essence of Islam. Added to which, a strong sense of humor is crucial in such a chaotic world. In a nutshell, yes, one ought to live the best life today. But as I see it that day becomes a lot more positive when lived not just for the day but for the future possibilities it hold when lived with awareness of one’s connection to a higher being.


check out the youtube clip when he was interviewed during hajj season by AlJazeera
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3epjNnT9K_E

Facebook and all that ...

On the Oprah Winfrey Show Facebook a few months ago there was this post asking viewers to put in their thoughts about how facebook has changed their life. The following are some of the questions:

1 How has Facebook changed your life?

2 Have you reconnected with long lost friends and family members through facebook?

3 Did you find someone very special to you that you thought was lost forever? Did you find love on facebook and eventually get married?

4 How has Facebook changed your life?

5 Do you spend hours and hours on Facebook? Are you constantly checking your friend's status updates? Do you write status updates every hour? Do you constantly poke people or send them "good karma" all the time?

6 Are you spending too much time on Facebook?

7 Do you regret posting something on Facebook?

8 Did you post a status update that you thought was silly but now you regret it? Did someone see an embarrassing photo that you can't live down? Did you find out a secret when someone posted information on your wall? Did you write on someone's wall and now you're thinking "why did I do that!"

9 Did you reveal an embarrassing secret you wished you hadn't on Facebook?


The thing is none of these questions appear significant to me and I began to wonder if perhaps I have been using the tool wrongly.

I did not get on facebook to get reconnected with long lost friends. I didn’t get on facebook to inform others of my private life, quite happy keeping it private really. Neither did I get on facebook to network with new people. So why did I get on facebook, I ask myself bemusedly?

I got on facebook for purely personal reasons – to be updated on the latest event/thought happening in the lives of some public figures I admired and wanted to keep abreast with. I also wanted a site where I can send some of my favourite songs, interviews, movie clips, lecture series that I got off youtube for ‘safe keeping’. It’s my electronic journal or as I call it on my facebook profile, they are a collage of my interests. I don’t do it to inform others but I choose to create a collage for my personal viewing. Albeit there are a meagre amount of people I consider my social contacts, in general I ‘hang out’ with the people I don’t otherwise meet or are in contact with. I wonder if that means I am abusing the facebook service just a little?!

Some relationships are meant to break up.

Some relationships are meant to break up. We all assume that when two people come together and say to one another, ‘I want to share this journey with you’, they will be together for life. But my personal observation of this, is not so.

I use a simple illustration of two of my former students who were known at the school as best friends. For over two years they are always seen together, and they appear to share a common bond. Lecturers and students took it for granted that when you saw one, you will inevitable see the other. One would speak her mind at any given moment, in a candid manner that illustrates her strong sense confidence and agency. The other appears more at ease ‘being’ rather than ‘saying’. Yet the other, as I observe, did not overtly take the effort to discover anything beyond the immediate. But last year everyone noticed that these two very close friends were not very close any more. Long story short, they went their separate ways. Many of us tried to explain the break up in our own ways. Some said the one took something from the other, some said the one was very clingy and did not allow the other to do things on her own.

Now almost a year later as I see them both separately in my office, I see something positive about both of them. The one who was outspoken has continued her journey and will undoubtedly develop into a strong and formidable individual in her own right. And the other, who was ‘seen but not always heard from’ has since begun to discover newer interests and has since developed a wonderful ability to express her creativity in her chosen art. She speaks her mind not in the conventional manner of speech but through visual imageries. I am pleased to see that like her friend she too will leave the university having discovered her sense of voice and is now ready to develop her identity in a more positive manner, not as attached to another but as a person in her own right.

Some relationships are meant to break up, for the good of all. These two ladies will now have a chance to give more of themselves to themselves and to the world at large without anyone feeling the discomfort of being.

'We are who we choose to be.'

I did something at work yesterday which I felt in my conscience was right. I wrote an email in respond to something that happened and sent it out to the people who needed to hear it. Of course I was called in by the boss a few hours later. Of course I felt down because of it. But I could not articulate what I was upset about. Was it because the people I sent it to did not appreciate what I was trying to say (well then this wouldn’t be the first time!). or was it because I knew what I did was not wrong and I should not get a ‘slap on the wrist’ for it.

I then spent the evening feeling lost in myself, like I’ve lost the ability to make the right decisions based on the things I feel is right. At 38 going on 39 the last thing anyone wants to feel is uncertain about her/his gut feeling. And here I was feeling like I did wrong just because the people in ‘power’ didn’t appreciate my actions.

Then today, like everything in my life thus far, I stumble upon a short clip on youtube that reaffirms my belief in my own actions. It is an interview Tavis Smiley had with Will Smith (one of my favourite person alive), in which Will says, “We are who we choose to be”.

I choose to be that person who sends out that email. I choose to accept that what I did was right and for the better of others. I choose to be a person who solves issues I am faced with and not accept problems as a given and accommodate it in my life. To my boss who wanted me to accommodate the particular problem we were faced with and take it as a ‘privilege’ and not a ‘chore’, I say this: I choose otherwise.

Dealing with the Demands of Work Life.

I have been in my chosen profession for over 14 years now and am looking forward to another 14, god willing; and this is what i know for sure about me and work life so far - that i can get thrown into situations and have to deal with people of many walks of life with many hang ups of their own and i keep seeing this one pattern - i can deal with it and move on. i can get upset with my co-workers or even employers for their lack of work ethnics or lack of professionalism or generally lack of leadership skills but i am still able to work with them. i can loose my cool in the comfort of my office or space or vent my frustration to the 'chosen' few and still be able to face them with a straight face and speak in a civil manner. i use to call it 'being hypocritical' but now i call it 'dealing with the demands of work life'.